Parenting

With kids off at boarding school for a good part of their childhood, Bill had to rely on letters to do his parenting.   No email.  No international phone calls (too expensive).  Mostly type written letters.  Old school typewriters until the advent of DOS-based word processors.  He was an early adopter of computers for word processing.

The following excerpts should give you the essence of his remote parenting style.

Bill not impressed with Noel's part-time job working in a dorm snack shop in Spain:

We are still here in Saudi Arabia because of your particular desire to stay in school for this year in Spain. But if you are still slinging hash, then it is hard for me, at least, to see why you should stay in Spain rather than be at home where we can put pressure on you to do your homework. We like putting the pressure on you. It is one of the satisfactions of being a parent.

Bill did do his best in the encouragement department:

Your last letter was a real winner. It impressed us all. Keep it up. You may be a writer. You have the abilities and the brain. It is up to you. You can do anything you want, but we want you to get started as soon as possible

Aren’t you interested in any music at all? I think that you have been put off by my interest, and that would be a shame if it were true. Like tennis and any of the sports you have to give it a reasonable try before you know if you are interested

I’ve been thinking. You should think about going to England the last year. First you can stay where you are if you really want, but if Robin goes to Munich with Justin, there is really no reason for you going to Spain unless it is near and dear to your heart. You could have a lot more experiences in England for a year then go to Munich for a year. By that time we will be definitely looking for a new assignment and all of you should have new ideas about where and what education you want. I really regret that I didn’t insist that you two go to England. I don’t hold this nonsense that you have to stay in one school. Get all the experiences you can while you can. You don’t know how much longer this gravy train will last.

You might think about taking dancing lessons. You would be good at that. Are you taking your Vitamin C pills? They will help you grow. That is if you are interested in growing.”

I love you and hope that you are on some sort of physical fitness program. It helps the brains and keeps you beautiful.

Noel. You are smart. I know it and so do you. And you know that I know. And I know that you know. Ya know?

Wish you would become an artist or writer or something adventuresome.

I don't recall ever completing the following assignment:

There will be a homework assignment for the holidays. We want a single sentence why you love to live in Saudi Arabia. You can enter as many sentences as you wish. But each sentence should be complete by itself. E.g., ‘I love to live in Saudi Arabia because of the great fishing opportunities.’ ‘I love to live in Saudi Arabia because I get a chance to meet such interesting people and develop my cultural horizons’. The winning sentence will get a special prize.

Tennis was a regular theme in many of his letters.  Too bad I was a total disappointment in that department.

Try to do some tennis practice, so that we can play foursome. Robin and Justin won’t have played at all so everyone will need some practice. If you get a few hours in ahead then we will all be relatively equal.  

Don’t forget to get a little practice in tennis, so we can compare serves when you get here. Mom has really been giving me hell about all my mistakes and my previous unsolicited habit of giving advice to strangers and you kids on how to serve.  

If you have changed your mind about learning tennis, then try to put some time in on the half court and put a few, very few minutes in each day throwing a soft ball overhand. Say about 25-50 tosses the first day and then stay at that till you get stronger. It is the best way for developing a strong serve. The next time would be some running and skip rope jumping. If you could do a little work for a month before you come home then Mom and I would be able to turn you into a pro tennis player.

And then there are life lessons...

I hope you are keeping the addresses of your buddies. It is one of the biggest mistakes of my life not to have maintained some sort of communication with friends in the Army and college. Even if you don’t particularly like a person it doesn’t take much effort to keep their address. You change with time. And they do too. Some of the people that I thought I was very close to turned out to be non-writers and so there was no hope of continued communications, while others turned out to have very similar interests and were writers

The other day I had to attend an EEO class. Equal Opportunities something. Well one of the main topics was the unfair treatment of women in industry. They get paid less for equal work and have more hassle than men. The chauvinistic world. That is one of the reasons that I would prefer that you girls learn about going into business for yourselves. Much better to be a buss than an employee particularly for women.

And then there are these gems that I'm not classifying...

They say that ninety percent of a person’s personality is formed before they are six. You had more energy and daring than any kid I have ever known of, so it would indicate that you will be the image of yourself when you were young. You must have your face cracking now with disgust but that is the way it is. So you might as well get used to the idea.

Hurry home before all the fun is used up. We are having all sorts of fun at a furious rate and it might be all used up by the time you get here.