Bill on Bill

Below are various excerpts from letters and emails where Bill talks about himself. 

Email to Noel in 1980:

Today we went to the PX to see if I could/should buy a pair of Levis.  The cowboy pants.  They had a pair there exactly my size and the thought that I had lost enough weight to wear Levis was very attractive.  Can’t you see your father lean enough to wear a well washed pair of Levis and hunkering down by the edge of the grass?  The vision is too much.  Well don’t worry, after trying them on I realized I am not a Levis man.  I am a low class work clothes man and that is the way it is.  The belt line may be reduced but the personality is still fatheaded.

October 1980 (Bill pushing 50.  He had a bad case of tennis elbow.  So endeavored to play left-handed.  Several letters referred to this quest)

This being alone and having your body disintegrate is really traumatic experience. 

The idea of learning to play tennis left handed had an initial tantalizing appeal, but now that I’m face with the necessity of learning to serve I am losing heart.

Another letter where he decided to put a different spin on the situation:

Noel, I want you to know just how much your father loves you.  To understand you more completely, I am studying to be left handed.   I am working at throwing the ball, tennis, serving, food eating, and a couple other items as they occur to me.  The idea is that left handed people have a different perspective on life, and I’m going to learn just what it is.  I type left handed already fairly well. I also run left handed almost as well as right handed. Tennis is the real challenge.  I expect that I will be able to play competitively within three weeks.

November 1980, Al Kobar, Saudi Arabia (blurbs in three different letters referencing his physical condition....he always thought he was on the verge of dying.)

The old man is definitely falling apart.  I haven’t been able to get a game off your mother for the past week.  

I am now able to run around the compound three times.…. I hope that if I can learn to do four times around that I will be able to build up some strength so that I don’t look like some desperate soul fleeing the grim reaper. 

First you would be proud of me.  I am slimming down to the size of Nigeria.  I haven’t weighed this little for over ten years.  And I feel much better.

An email to Noel in June 2010:

But one thing I want you to remember is that I practiced my typing right up till the end. It would be nice to know now just how fast I could type when I finally quit. Bill 

The ideas of last minute memories seem appropriate, but not to me. We have had a very interesting life, and I hope you have also enjoyed it. Love, Bill

Indeed Dad was practicing his typing to the very end.  He kept track of his typing progress.  The last date of entry was 9/13/2014.  He was admitted to the hospital on 9/14/2014 after falling on way back from daily swim. 

Bill was keenly aware of dementia setting in.   He'd rather rely on mental exercises (piano, typing, reading) to keep his mind active than medicate.  He sent emails recounting stories knowing that a day would come where he wouldn't be able to share.

Email to Noel, June 19, 2010:

I just thought about when my mother called me home to NYC, Bayside, from El Paso, in mid term. It is a pretty good story, but more to the point it is our family history. And you should know something about it as your personal history. 

My mother had me come home from El Paso when it was clear that my father was going to die. So, I came home. I was at that time a wayward member of the family. I took all my important books, Math, Engineering, and Mechanics home. So, I spent all my time studying while she, my aunt Alice, her sister, and Bernie were fussing. It meant that I did more studying while home waiting for my father to die, than I would have if I had stayed in El Paso. I really aced the mechanics and dynamics. This startled several of the Engineering teachers. At that time I didn't let on that it was my purpose to get two degrees, engineering and Math/Physics. I had sneaked up on the possibility. Anyway, my poor father was in great pain and couldn't carry on a conversation at all. So, I had to tell him about my intentions and prospects. I doubt that he fully understood but at least it was all I could do.  

I feel pretty good, but my weight is always declining, today, nude, I was 192.5 lbs. I expect to cross the line in a week or two.  But, with a suntan, I'll look much better.