In Memory of Bill Adorno - NYC Life

I grew up with Bill Adorno in the town of Bayside, a suburban area of New York City. We went to Sacred Heart Grammar School together, beginning in 1938 and graduating in 1946. Since Bill was the tallest and oldest student in the class and I the youngest and near to being the smallest, it was a natural thing for him to take me under his wing and show me how life was meant to be lived.

 Living well for Bill involved going out in the woods with his 22 rifle or bow n’ arrow, or off to Little Neck Bay (or one of many lakes) to fish and camp. The furthest lake, Lake Success, was 6 or 7 miles away --- a long distance for young boys to go. But Bill had a homemade backpack to carry his gear in, looked older than he was, and could sweet-talk my mother into letting me go with him by telling her the lake was close by, and that we didn’t have to cross any busy streets to get there.

There were some projects Bill thought we should undertake to make our camping excursions more adventurous. One of these involved building a boat to take out on the bay. For this we first had to raise 15 cents to send off for the boat plans. But once the plans came there was no money left to build the boat. Bill thought we should get paper routes to raise the money. But at age 8 or 9 we were really too young to be delivering papers.

Some time after this Bill built a raft on his own. I didn’t know he was doing this because he didn’t talk to me about it either before or afterwards. But another classmate was down at the Yacht Club the day Bill assembled the raft and launched it into Little Neck Bay. At first every thing went well with Bill paddling off towards the far shore about a mile away. But then the raft began to disintegrate with the logs moving off on their own. So Bill had to abandon ship and swim into shore.

A great story of Bill's younger days from John McIntryre

Bill and Robin

Here's a page devoted to memories of Robin and Bill.   As Chris said in a FB post, they are dancing together again.

Bill and Robin dancing at cousin's wedding in Houston

Bill encouraged Robin to experiment with photography. He even bought her one of those twin-lens reflex cameras. It is likely this photo was taken with that camera. In Saudi Arabia the family had various photo sessions.

A photo session - Bill and Robin

Robin organized several Thanksgiving camping trips for family and friends.  Below is photo from one particularly windy camping trip.

Seminole Camping State Park - Bill and Robin moving a tent

Work Life

Bill indeed worked to live and not vice versa.  He made the most of his personal time.

Several friends (of the kids) assumed Bill worked for the CIA.  I can assure you that he talked too much to be a covert operative with the CIA.

His work assignments were varied.  In Nigeria and Nepal his work involved water and waste water treatment.  In Mongolia he helped the government improve the power plants that hadn't been updated since the Soviets vacated the country.  In Jamaica he was supposed to be helping out with some sort of Typhoid epidemic recovery.

As in his personal life, his co-workers found Bill amusing.  The photo below shows part of a very large, framed award that he received while in Saudi Arabia.

A Family Affair

Bill was always striving to do things as a family.

Bill had big ideas for a family business.  He wanted the family to stick together and work together. Back in the 1980s he lobbied the family to start a "Check-a-Check" business.  He went so far as to buy the starter franchise setup with hopes that the kids get involved.  Another family business idea was to build a pyramid mausoleum in the desert somewhere.  People could buy a block in the pyramid in which to have their ashes entombed.  The pyramid would also serve as a tourist attraction.

The family was sufficiently dysfunctional that there wasn't support for such grand plans.  Bill did have more success on smaller scale family initiatives.  Below is a customized "ballot" sent to family members to join a three week trekking expedition in Nepal.



Ballot inviting Noel to Trek in Nepal in June 1986

Indeed Bill did manage to get all three adult kids on a three week trek to complete the Annapurna Circuit.   Although everyone looks like hell, the photo taken at the summit of the Thorong La pass (17,700 ft) was one of his most cherished -- an enlarged and tattered version hung in his work room for years.  The negative has long since been lost -- all that remains are a few 3x4 prints.



Bill, the "Mentor", and his three kids at Thorong La summit

Close proximity to family members was the driving reason for Bill and Von to retire to Austin, Texas.  After traveling the world on one adventure after another, I'm not sure Austin would otherwise be his top retirement location.   Barton Springs did a lot to help out.

The family together - Mt Bonnell, Austin

Literary Stuff

 

Without TV in most countries, Bill tended to read a lot and listen to BBC on the shortwave radio. 

 

His reading included classic books, the New Yorker, the Economist, the Scientific American, the Skeptical Inquirer, and one grammar book - Strunk and White's The Element of Style.  Notice the red markings.  No book was sacred.  He highlighted articles and books alike.  After he picked up Arabic, Bill tended to use the Arabic "Adorno" for marking ownership on personal belongings.

 



Red highlighting! Arghh.

Bill wanted his kids to be good writers and story tellers too.  He tried...he really tried.  Unfortunately, they weren't as prone to work at the craft.

Bill acquired the following The Annotated Alice book in Nigeria in early 1970s.  At that time he tried to bribe his kids into memorizing Lewis Carroll poems:  Jabberwocky - Justin, The Walrus and the Carpenter - Robin, and How Doth the Little Crocodile - Noel.  I'm not sure the payoff was compelling enough to the kids to really work at.

 

Bill Loved a good story teller.   He loved listening to Alistair Cooke on BBC. 

World Traveler

Bill and Von took photos of all their posts and trips.  Most are in slide format.  Many of the slides have faded over the years.   I tried to pick one or two photos for each country they lived in or visited. There are many gaps.

Exclusions include:
- Countries that Von visited but I had doubts about Bill's presence
- Countries that I couldn't identify (except two that I couldn't resist posting)
- Countries that I couldn't find photos
- Photos that were included in other posts (e.g., everything water)

The photos are not in chronological order.



The outback of outer Mongolia

Yak and herder in Nepal

Tibetan temple in Nepal

Market street in Nigeria

Walking with family in Saudi Arabian desert

Desert near Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

Camel Market - Cairo, Egypt

Not sure tribe name, but sure this is Kenya

Japan vacation when exchange rate was 360 yen to $$

Young Bill in Afghanistan

Afghanistan

Dinka tribe - Juba, South Sudan

Afghanistan

Dunno - but stunning shot

Bill crossing rope bridge in Nepal

Korea - trip without kids

DMZ -- so should we count North Korea?

Korea

I'm pretty sure this is Yangtze river in China

Nepal - Bill loved taking photos of interesting faces

Yemen

Yemen

Banyan Tree in Samoa

OMG!  Someone please explain?!? Syria? Yemen? Jordan?

Parenting

With kids off at boarding school for a good part of their childhood, Bill had to rely on letters to do his parenting.   No email.  No international phone calls (too expensive).  Mostly type written letters.  Old school typewriters until the advent of DOS-based word processors.  He was an early adopter of computers for word processing.

The following excerpts should give you the essence of his remote parenting style.

Bill not impressed with Noel's part-time job working in a dorm snack shop in Spain:

We are still here in Saudi Arabia because of your particular desire to stay in school for this year in Spain. But if you are still slinging hash, then it is hard for me, at least, to see why you should stay in Spain rather than be at home where we can put pressure on you to do your homework. We like putting the pressure on you. It is one of the satisfactions of being a parent.

Bill did do his best in the encouragement department:

Your last letter was a real winner. It impressed us all. Keep it up. You may be a writer. You have the abilities and the brain. It is up to you. You can do anything you want, but we want you to get started as soon as possible

Aren’t you interested in any music at all? I think that you have been put off by my interest, and that would be a shame if it were true. Like tennis and any of the sports you have to give it a reasonable try before you know if you are interested

I’ve been thinking. You should think about going to England the last year. First you can stay where you are if you really want, but if Robin goes to Munich with Justin, there is really no reason for you going to Spain unless it is near and dear to your heart. You could have a lot more experiences in England for a year then go to Munich for a year. By that time we will be definitely looking for a new assignment and all of you should have new ideas about where and what education you want. I really regret that I didn’t insist that you two go to England. I don’t hold this nonsense that you have to stay in one school. Get all the experiences you can while you can. You don’t know how much longer this gravy train will last.

You might think about taking dancing lessons. You would be good at that. Are you taking your Vitamin C pills? They will help you grow. That is if you are interested in growing.”

I love you and hope that you are on some sort of physical fitness program. It helps the brains and keeps you beautiful.

Noel. You are smart. I know it and so do you. And you know that I know. And I know that you know. Ya know?

Wish you would become an artist or writer or something adventuresome.

I don't recall ever completing the following assignment:

There will be a homework assignment for the holidays. We want a single sentence why you love to live in Saudi Arabia. You can enter as many sentences as you wish. But each sentence should be complete by itself. E.g., ‘I love to live in Saudi Arabia because of the great fishing opportunities.’ ‘I love to live in Saudi Arabia because I get a chance to meet such interesting people and develop my cultural horizons’. The winning sentence will get a special prize.

Tennis was a regular theme in many of his letters.  Too bad I was a total disappointment in that department.

Try to do some tennis practice, so that we can play foursome. Robin and Justin won’t have played at all so everyone will need some practice. If you get a few hours in ahead then we will all be relatively equal.  

Don’t forget to get a little practice in tennis, so we can compare serves when you get here. Mom has really been giving me hell about all my mistakes and my previous unsolicited habit of giving advice to strangers and you kids on how to serve.  

If you have changed your mind about learning tennis, then try to put some time in on the half court and put a few, very few minutes in each day throwing a soft ball overhand. Say about 25-50 tosses the first day and then stay at that till you get stronger. It is the best way for developing a strong serve. The next time would be some running and skip rope jumping. If you could do a little work for a month before you come home then Mom and I would be able to turn you into a pro tennis player.

And then there are life lessons...

I hope you are keeping the addresses of your buddies. It is one of the biggest mistakes of my life not to have maintained some sort of communication with friends in the Army and college. Even if you don’t particularly like a person it doesn’t take much effort to keep their address. You change with time. And they do too. Some of the people that I thought I was very close to turned out to be non-writers and so there was no hope of continued communications, while others turned out to have very similar interests and were writers

The other day I had to attend an EEO class. Equal Opportunities something. Well one of the main topics was the unfair treatment of women in industry. They get paid less for equal work and have more hassle than men. The chauvinistic world. That is one of the reasons that I would prefer that you girls learn about going into business for yourselves. Much better to be a buss than an employee particularly for women.

And then there are these gems that I'm not classifying...

They say that ninety percent of a person’s personality is formed before they are six. You had more energy and daring than any kid I have ever known of, so it would indicate that you will be the image of yourself when you were young. You must have your face cracking now with disgust but that is the way it is. So you might as well get used to the idea.

Hurry home before all the fun is used up. We are having all sorts of fun at a furious rate and it might be all used up by the time you get here.

Bill's Rants

Over the years Bill would read an article on _________________ and then spend then next ________ months/years talking about it to whomever would listen. 

Sometimes it was the lifespan of a car. Sometimes it was about vodka production.  Then there was the differences between left-brain and right brain.  Of course...there was tennis.  And on and on. 

However, one rant lasted longer than others -- and that was his view of the US medical establishment.    Bill was no trained doctor, but he was well read and had studies that intersected with the medical field. 

For example, Bill's college job was night duty at a veterinarian's hospital.  If you can believe him, he sterilized a few dogs/cats.  Then there was his degree in public health.  His WHO positions all centered around sanitary engineering - helping developing nations with their water and waste water treatment.   While in Korea he studied acupuncture....although no family member was willing to volunteer for his services. 

Mostly Bill read. He read a lot.   Atul Guande is his favorite medical journalist and author.  As a matter of fact, had I just followed Atul Guande's advice on caring for the elderly, I'm sure my father would have suffered less in the end.   This isn't to say that the medical staff that cared for him were negligent in any way.  As a matter of fact, I have only admiration for their care of the elderly.  My father was no bargain patient.  Reason doesn't stick with dementia patients...so explaining to Bill that he shouldn't pull out his ________ (catheter, heart rate monitor, feeding tube, IV, etc.) only works for about 1 minute.  

Anyway...because Bill ranted for so long about the US medical establishment, I've included a few of his email excerpts on the subject.

December 2009, email to Robbi Whipp:

Note: I am having serious problems with our local "medical services". Lack of insurance isn't the problem, our national medical services are awful. Half the service for twice the price! Its simply outrageous that we have a discussion about it.

Well, I hope you read the NYer. and specifically Atul Guande, their medical services writer. He is a noted heart surgeon, and runs the Boston Teaching Hospital. Evidently he has taken on the job of being an irritant about our medical services, e.g., McAllen Texas, and reform.

August 2010, email to Noel:

Noel, this week's NYer has longish article by Atul Guande "Letting Go". It is required reading. Certainly it is for you.

It is interesting that the NYer has recognized Dr. Guande's special interest in American medicine. They now have found a second MD/writer who covers different aspects of our medical systems and services.

October 2010, email to Noel -- shortly after a visit to a neurologist where Bill was diagnosed with dementia..

I had asked you what she had said some time ago. And you tried to say something, it was obvious that it didn't mean much to you. And now I realize that the lady was con artist and didn't give anyone any sort of a diagnosis. She was a good example of bad medicine. Hope you have learned something from this episode.

The challenge is for us to figure out what we should do both individually and collectively about our parlous medical situation. But we should work together sharing worthwhile information.

January 2012, email to Scott Elkin:

Scott, It pains me to hear that you have fallen into the clutches of " low ranked medical standing".  I also have become a victim of our mutual medical system.  

Note: The USA ranks between 30th and 60th internationally in medical systems, by WHO analysis. With that as a scary starting point, I now believe it ranks lower and is headed towards total oblivion.  

Fortunately, I never threw stones at elders. It didn't seem sporting. And of course I was worried about them being better stone throwers than I.  

But now that I have fallen into the clutches of terminal group of local physicians, I realize that they won't let go of my insurance until I am dead. It hurts, but probably true.  

I hope that your exit is less painful than mine. I can barely walk. My only salvation. Know that I would offer you some sort of sympathy but I am overwhelmed by my own sorry condition.

Starting out in Afghanistan

Outside of the Army, Afghanistan was Bill's first international assignment.   A start of a career that spanned 40 years and multiple continents. 

Besides being his first real international adventure, Afghanistan was special for several other reasons: he met his wife Vonda, they married and had three children.   Although the family was living in Kabul, Justin was actually born in Karachi, Pakistan because there were no suitable medical facilities at the time in Afghanistan.  We're talking 1960! 

Below are random photos from the Afghanistan era. 

Bill at a business meeting. Co-workers? clients? Kabul

Bill was never into football...but attended local games like buzkashi

Did hunting wild boar really woo his wife Vonda?

Bill started his own decorative brick factory -- a product in use

Afghanistan is cold, very cold.

Dad arranged for a trip to Khasmir for his honeymoon.  The first night of their honeymoon was spent en route to Khasmir.  They took a photo of the accommodations.  Lovely start to an adventurous life together. 





Yep...Indeed the newlywed's first night's accommodations



Once they got to Khasmir, accommodations took a turn for the better.  They stayed on an elaborate houseboat -- outfitted with fine china and fancy furniture.



A sharp contrast to first night - an elaborate house boat in Khasmir

 



Would love to know the story on this pic

Sh**t Bill Said

I wish I had a memory for some of Bill's quotes.   He had some classics...and classic delivery too. Too bad I didn't think of Shit my Dad Says before Justin Halpern starting Tweeting his father's quotes.

Robin & Mom both thinking "I can't believe he just said that"

According to Vonda, Bill's marriage proposal in Kabul, Afghanistan included this quote:

I looked around at my competition and decided I'm your best bet.

Bill still had a knack for delivery late in life.   While at the ER in his 80's, a young nurse was trying to make Bill comfortable for a blood draw.

Nurse: It is OK if you scream 

Bill's quizzical response:  Would 'Rape' be appropriate?

Bill was a man of simple pleasures -- ice cream and beer.

OH, yes. Tonight, "So You Think You Can Dance" has your mother enthralled, so I opted for the opportunity to buy a new bottle of Vodka, a six pack of beer, and a half gallon of ice cream. Bundled it was as much as I could carry. It will last for six months. Bill

Bill's response to news of Noel's bicycle accident where she busted cheek and jaw bones. His nickname for Noel is "Nogerlocker" -- dates back to Korea.  Email to Ted Pietrzak (Noel's husband):

The first is what is Nogerlocker's prognosis? Is she permanently damaged? We really don't need bad news about her. She has all the secrets to our pc! What a worry. Even now some message has been anxiously waiting for her for a week. A week of constant blinking "update" or else.

Bill on  mysterious clothing - March 2010 - Email to Noel

Second item of major importance, my underwear falling down. Certainly the experience was disconcerting, and almost embarrassing. I assumed that it was due to my lose of weight, but that really didn't seem to be a full explanation.

Last night another pair of shorts decided to drop. This wasn't embarrassing but bewildering.  

We [Bill and Vonda] talked. She blamed the heater-dryers. That made sense.

Bill had a knack for shock factor...his wife attributes it to his being a New Yorker.  Here's a link to article on Bill in the Austin Chronicle by Thomas Hackett.  His family was horrified by his comments on living abroad.  Bill would have reflected differently depending on audience and mood.  

Mischief and Regrets

Rules were not a concern to Bill.  He was unconventional.

Letter to Noel c1980 from Al Kobar, Saudi Arabia.  He was reflecting back on family trip to Japan in the early 1970's.   Probably not a model influence on kids.

Do you remember we went to a Japanese temple with a sand garden?  There were a few black rocks in the middle of a sand pit.  The pit was in the interior of a temple.  The pit was about 20 ft by 25 ft.  The idea was that the sand was raked into a pattern around the rocks and the pilgrims would sit and meditate.  A great thought.  But being particularly dumb it never occurred to me that if you could sit and meditate about a sand pattern, then you should be able to sit and meditate about any sand pattern, after all the given pattern would look different from different positions around the pit so everyone would see a different pattern, then different patterns didn’t make a difference to the meditation.  Do you follow?  Well you think about it.  Since that is the truth, then we should have walked across the sand and made our own patterns.  The four of us (Mom wouldn’t have) should have run amuck in the sand box for a minute.   That is all that was necessary, then come out and looked like we were meditating. That would have been interesting to see the reaction.  If it really was the idea of meditating then no one would have minded.  But you know as well as I that probably the folks that ran the temple had some pretty clear ideas of who should make up the patterns for others to meditate on.  And there would have been the bystanders that would have been scandalized by our behavior in the temple.  Your mother would have been embarrassed but would have enjoyed it later.  It is a bit like ringing bells in strange places.   I really regret not having messed up the pattern to see what would have happened and so that you kids would have had something to brag about in Japan.  Well if we ever get a chance let’s do it right next time.

Of course, there were times when Bill's disregard for rules were beneficial.  On our requisite day to visit the great pyramids of Egypt -- no way did we want to do the regular touristy scene.  We headed out at crack of dawn before for hordes of tourists and hawkers were even out of bed.  Bill befriended the guard while we climbed the pyramids.

Noel on top of great pyramid -- notice the graffiti

Look closely - Noel on top of pyramid

Bill befriending the guard - bakshish might have changed hands 

Every once in a while, Bill would regret some of the silly things he did.  Another email to Noel from Saudi Arabia.

I did a dumb thing.  We had an ELC party with the motif of a White Elephant auction sale.  I had to take something to be auctioned.  It was necessary as admission to the party. So I took your mother’s tennis racket thinking that I would bid on it and buy it back.  Well the auctioneer either went by it while I was talking or he auctioned it of along with a box of balls.  I did not bid on it and lost it. Therefore I had to buy a new racket at $45. That is just too much to pay for a party.  I said it was dumb and it was.

Bill on Bill

Below are various excerpts from letters and emails where Bill talks about himself. 

Email to Noel in 1980:

Today we went to the PX to see if I could/should buy a pair of Levis.  The cowboy pants.  They had a pair there exactly my size and the thought that I had lost enough weight to wear Levis was very attractive.  Can’t you see your father lean enough to wear a well washed pair of Levis and hunkering down by the edge of the grass?  The vision is too much.  Well don’t worry, after trying them on I realized I am not a Levis man.  I am a low class work clothes man and that is the way it is.  The belt line may be reduced but the personality is still fatheaded.

October 1980 (Bill pushing 50.  He had a bad case of tennis elbow.  So endeavored to play left-handed.  Several letters referred to this quest)

This being alone and having your body disintegrate is really traumatic experience. 

The idea of learning to play tennis left handed had an initial tantalizing appeal, but now that I’m face with the necessity of learning to serve I am losing heart.

Another letter where he decided to put a different spin on the situation:

Noel, I want you to know just how much your father loves you.  To understand you more completely, I am studying to be left handed.   I am working at throwing the ball, tennis, serving, food eating, and a couple other items as they occur to me.  The idea is that left handed people have a different perspective on life, and I’m going to learn just what it is.  I type left handed already fairly well. I also run left handed almost as well as right handed. Tennis is the real challenge.  I expect that I will be able to play competitively within three weeks.

November 1980, Al Kobar, Saudi Arabia (blurbs in three different letters referencing his physical condition....he always thought he was on the verge of dying.)

The old man is definitely falling apart.  I haven’t been able to get a game off your mother for the past week.  

I am now able to run around the compound three times.…. I hope that if I can learn to do four times around that I will be able to build up some strength so that I don’t look like some desperate soul fleeing the grim reaper. 

First you would be proud of me.  I am slimming down to the size of Nigeria.  I haven’t weighed this little for over ten years.  And I feel much better.

An email to Noel in June 2010:

But one thing I want you to remember is that I practiced my typing right up till the end. It would be nice to know now just how fast I could type when I finally quit. Bill 

The ideas of last minute memories seem appropriate, but not to me. We have had a very interesting life, and I hope you have also enjoyed it. Love, Bill

Indeed Dad was practicing his typing to the very end.  He kept track of his typing progress.  The last date of entry was 9/13/2014.  He was admitted to the hospital on 9/14/2014 after falling on way back from daily swim. 

Bill was keenly aware of dementia setting in.   He'd rather rely on mental exercises (piano, typing, reading) to keep his mind active than medicate.  He sent emails recounting stories knowing that a day would come where he wouldn't be able to share.

Email to Noel, June 19, 2010:

I just thought about when my mother called me home to NYC, Bayside, from El Paso, in mid term. It is a pretty good story, but more to the point it is our family history. And you should know something about it as your personal history. 

My mother had me come home from El Paso when it was clear that my father was going to die. So, I came home. I was at that time a wayward member of the family. I took all my important books, Math, Engineering, and Mechanics home. So, I spent all my time studying while she, my aunt Alice, her sister, and Bernie were fussing. It meant that I did more studying while home waiting for my father to die, than I would have if I had stayed in El Paso. I really aced the mechanics and dynamics. This startled several of the Engineering teachers. At that time I didn't let on that it was my purpose to get two degrees, engineering and Math/Physics. I had sneaked up on the possibility. Anyway, my poor father was in great pain and couldn't carry on a conversation at all. So, I had to tell him about my intentions and prospects. I doubt that he fully understood but at least it was all I could do.  

I feel pretty good, but my weight is always declining, today, nude, I was 192.5 lbs. I expect to cross the line in a week or two.  But, with a suntan, I'll look much better.

Theater and Acting

With Bill's larger than life personality, he was a natural fit for acting.  He also had a life-long appreciation for theatrical arts, often scheduling vacation trips to London with his wife to catch up on latest theater productions.

As an avid theater performer, his best was the long run as lead character Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof with the Yongsan Players in Korea.

Bill Adorno as Tevye

Scene with Bill

Bill with other cast members

Production program

Bill also appeared in other performances, including All My Sons and Ten Little Indians.

Bill acting in Ten Little Indians

Bill said that acting "started out for me as a memory exercise and an opportunity to get involved in the community turned into a rewarding asset".